“Why an elephant?”
It’s one of the most common questions I get asked. Elephants are all over my house and my therapy office and now, even my left arm. They are my absolute, favorite animal, but not just because of their sheer size and majesty. The honest truth is that I love elephants because
They grieve better than humans do.
I’ve always been in awe of elephants and how unique they are; but, years ago, I watched a documentary on a herd of elephants, and it changed my life forever. This documentary followed the daily routines and ins and outs of this group of elephants. I especially loved finding out that herds of elephants are matriarchal, and the oldest and largest female elephant leads the herd (#GirlPower). But an important storyline in this film was how this herd lost an elephant to predators. What this group of elephants did next absolutely blew me away: they grieved.
They circled up around their loved one and cried. The elephants cried. (Unless you are emotionally prepared, do not YouTube elephants crying. You might not make it out of your own puddle of tears). It was so interesting to me, though, that each elephant stayed a different length of time, but when they were done with their crying, they simply walked away. It’s like they knew when they were done, and it was okay that it was different from the elephant next to them.
This fascinates scientists. From what I’ve read and studied, no other animal cries or exhibits the grief process quite like the elephant does. And while scientists can’t officially call it “grieving,” they can’t deny the odd changes in elephants’ behavior. For instance, elephants eat the majority of the day (Another point for them being my favorite animal. Amen.), but when they’re in this grief process, they don’t eat. They stop their normal day-to-day things, even eating, and mourn.
If that wasn’t enough, what happened next in the documentary is what sealed the deal for me. They continued to follow this herd as they traveled on, after all the elephants had grieved and walked away. They left that area to find more food and after much time had passed, they ended up back at the site where their loved one had died. Now, there were no remains, no bones, nothing to alert them that this is where this event took place; however, they knew. And they didn’t do what most of us humans do and pass by the hard memory and move on. They circled right back up and grieved again. The same process over again. Each one, taking as much time as she needed, and then simply walking away when she was done.
So why an elephant? They are literally my spirit animal for how to grieve well. I think of them when I go through hard things and want to get away. I remember them when I want to sneak by my sadness and not honor it with my tears. I glance at my tattoo when I think that I’m taking too long to get over something and that other people have bounced back from this sooner. They are my model for how to acknowledge and honor my pain without judgment or comparison to the person next to me. They do this so much better than we do, and we’d live a much more wholehearted and authentic life to take their lead… and stop… and grieve.
