December hasn’t always been this hard. As a kid, it was filled with Christmas lists and moments bursting with joy on Christmas morning. But I lived long enough, and things got complicated. Days approach now that pile weight on my shoulders and capsize my eyes with tears. Anniversaries of hard moments. Reminders of people no longer in my life. The realization that my Christmas season isn’t perfect anymore.

Maybe it’s not anniversaries of hard days for you. The hard days might be now. Maybe the diagnosis just came. The job just got lost. The family just broke apart. The person just passed away. The distance is still ever reaching. The finish line is still far away. Losses in December, in whatever form, seem to hit us harder than the rest of the year.

So have a bad Christmas.

The first Christmas was an incredible string of makeshift accommodations and plan B’s and C’s. They made do with what they had, and welcomed heaven to earth in a manger in a stable. It wasn’t exactly what they intended for that season in their lives either.

But the expectation that Christmas should be perfect and joyous only exacerbates the pain that December can bring.

So have a bad Christmas.

Maybe your December feels a little like mine. A little cold. A bit tense and stressed. Overwhelming and painful. Sad and painted with strokes of heartache and longing.

Feel the aches. Mourn the people. Miss the old days. Long for something different. Endure this new season of life. If you feel an ounce of merry, then feel it. If not, it’s okay. It’s why Christ is called Immanuel; He’s with us wherever we are.

So if you have a bad Christmas this year, I know He will be there with you, too.

I am so proud of my husband who wrote this song about the harder side of this season. We both have loved ones who have gone before us, and Christmas draws out a yearning and an ache to have them close again. His voice and words bring me comfort, and I hope the same for you, too.